Friday, 8 June 2007

So what IS this vague submission concept type thing all about anyway?

For me, at it's core, what IS submission?

The dictionary (as ever, www.dictionary.com) says 'The act of submitting to the power of another' / 'an act of submitting to the authority or control of another', which is a fairly good way to put it actually, albeit in a not particularly indepth way.

Which leads to the 'why?' and this is where it starts to become personal.

I mean, on the whole I'm a fairly well adjusted person, so it's not a case of 'wanting to be fixed'. I can make decisions, and when I make the wrong ones I can put my hands up and admit it, and where possible put things right, so I'm not looking for someone to put responsibility on for things that go wrong. While pretty easy going, I have my own thoughts, feelings and opinions that I will defend strongly (and at times too far) if necessary, so it's not as if I'm easily led. While not always the most confident of people, and having more than a few insecurities, it's not as though I do it out of some supposed 'weakness' – If anything the opposite is true. It's not about feeling small next to someone, indeed it's pretty much because it makes me feel like the biggest person in the world.

That doesn't really answer the question though, just give a view on some of the (sadly) held views of submission that some have.

Well, there are two sides to it really. What I give through it, and what I get from it – with a whole load of overlap on the two, they aren't anywhere near mutually exclusive.

I get someones expectations and standards to live up to as much as, if not moreso than my own. And in turn I strive to match them, accepting that I won't be perfect in all things, and that there will be times I don't, but also that my own harshest critic is myself. I get the discipline of another when my own is lacking, by handing over the power for someone to rein me in when necessary. There's the care and attention, given and received, both in the relationship (both 'conventionally' and in other unique ways) and in action towards the other. I get someone to please ahead of all others (not in place of, since obviously other people in life are still there) – but generally if they're happy there's no need to worry about anyone else, and well, the giving flipside to that should be pretty obvious! I get someone to defer to, at times only for opinions before making my own mind up, at times my will to theirs, trusting their opinions enough to be the right ones. And I try to make the person it all happens with the most confident person in the world as much as I most possibly can, and in turn I get treat like the most precious person in the world to them.

If this sounds vaguely similar to the things you'd expect to see in a 'normal' relationship, that's pretty much because given how important and valued my submission is to me, and how special the person that would get that would have to be, it's not something that I have ever wanted to happen outside of what I guess would be a 'stable relationship'. It's a subtle difference to me and could just be wordplay to other people, but I've always wanted a dominant partner as opposed to a dominant for power exchange to be present.

For those of you waiting for the paragraph that reads like regurgitated cliché, here it cometh!

It would be the obvious thing to say that I submit because I have a NEED to, but it would also probably be wrong. What I would say though is that it does bring a different kind of happiness – It pushes buttons that other things can't, and is fulfilling on a whole other level.

Submission then….. It's not kneeling, it's not wearing a collar, it's not being hit with canes and such, it's not service (and there's WAY too much made of that, almost exclusively for male subs, but that's another blog ), it's not following orders, it's not rites, rituals, rules or regulations. They can all be expressions of it, HUGE ones, but for me submission is about feeling. The way I feel when I 'give' to someone, and they way they make me feel by 'giving back' their flip side to balance that (I'll leave it at that, I don't feel quite brave enough to tackle power exchange ontop of the rest of this right now!)

Is it really much of a surprise that I find D/s a rather romantic thing, which tends to have had intense positive emotion flying about in the past?

Anyway, enough from me…. While there's probably been more things written in the mists of time here that say it just as well, I'm quoting two things from other peoples blogs from the past that have really spoken to me (for various reasons at different times)
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Brindle wrote: "The exchange of power - you giving over your emotional and physical well-being in return for my care of you. I want someone to cherish - I just want to express it in a way slightly different from the norm!...If this relationship works and goes from strength to strength, you would enable me to walk tall (all 5'2" of me...) with inner confidence, self belief and pride through giving me your obedience, trust and devotion. you would make me strong by giving me your strength. you would make me more desirable by giving me control of your desire. you would make me more of a Domme by giving me your submissiveness. "
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alexandraa wrote: Bottom line is you can't beat having a good Dom in your life. All puns intended. I look at her and think, you're submissive, you might not be a masochist but you're emotionally submissive and ache to feel the protection and care that I feel.

You ache for someone strong enough to say, “stop your nonsense now”. Ache for leadership, for control, for someone to turn to and talk to. Ache for sanity, strength and guidance. Ache for someone who listens. Really listens. Ache for someone who makes you face the truth, the harsh reality, makes you take responsibility and deal with your life and its issues.

Ah the joys of submission. Of course I give my all for everything I get. Who wouldn't? In truth? Lots wouldn't I think. It's a hard journey to face reality. But I for one am very glad I have that harsh Master in my life.
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So there you go...

Phoenix

(originally posted 24th January, 2006 - http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/weblogs/Northern_Phoenix/68506/ - edited to remove time-context type stuff)

Sunday, 27 May 2007

Welcome to the jungle

And this marks the third blog I'm aiming to keep on a somewhat regular basis! My long standing one is on Informed Consent, a newer one on LJ, and now here.

The idea is to make this a dedicated 'BDSM/sexuality related writings only' type space, since the other places I have them are mostly burried alongside a plethora of general witterings on life. So objective one is to slowly trawl through those, and add the relvant stuff on here... Might be little re-writes, or re-edits, depending on what time allows, and depending on if I think any differently nowadays too!

And in the spirit of keeping the 'pointless waffle' quota down, I'll wrap this one up now

Phoenix